by Angeliska on July 20, 2009
First of all, I must say thank you to everyone who shared their
recurring dreams here recently. I was truly blown away by all the
rich symbolism and power in these dreams, and especially by
how open a lot of you were with your darkest fears. It really
moved me to discover how similar a lot of our most disturbing
dreams are. It makes them a little easier to interpret, and to bear.
I realized also, in reading the comments, how much addiction
turns up in our subconscious- even many years after habits
have been kicked. I can’t believe I forgot to mention one of my
most common recurring dreams: the smoking dream!
I quit smoking in January of 2006, the day after my birthday.
It was one of the most difficult things I’ve ever had to do,
and one of the best things I ever could’ve done for myself.
I started smoking when I was about 12 or 13- awful, I know!.
It was Sobranie Black Russians- I figured if I was going to ruin my health,
I had better do it in style with the very best- and they really are!
Anyhow, after many years of looking real cool and hacking up lung oysters,
I fell in love, and quickly realized that my smoking days were done.
You see, it’s hard to do something that limits your days on this earth
when you’ve found someone you want to spend the rest of your life with.
I knew it would be utterly hypocritical to feel that way and keep smoking,
so that was it. Cold turkey, no acupuncture or nicotine gum. Nada.
I was tearful and monstrous, and after a few months it wasn’t something
I thought about too much. But I do, at least when I’m asleep.
Three years later, I still have the most vivid dreams where I’m inhaling
deeply on a cigarette, sucking it almost down to the filter. Sometimes
I realize what I’m doing and freak out. Other times, I shrug- realizing that
I’m dreaming, and that dream cigarettes aren’t harmful- or are they?
(This photo, and the ones below by Ineke Kamps)
Oh, and whilst searching for images to accompany my recurring dreams,
I stumbled upon the amazing photography of Ineke Kamps (aka. moggierocket).
How I would love to discover this secret room, awake or dreaming!
Her photos reminded me of another dream I have all the time:
MY DUSTY FORMER HOMES:
I go and visit my old houses sometimes
and find the remnants of my old life
covered in a thick grey dust.
I wander around, touching things I left behind.
It makes it very clear that past is past,
and that I can never go back-
and that’s a good thing.
Despite the heavy tone of all this, I’m actually
dancing around to Tina Turner (Sexy Ida, yeah!)
and go do frivolous lady-things, hooray!