Recurring Dreams II. – Smoke + Dust

by Angeliska on July 20, 2009

First of all, I must say thank you to everyone who shared their
recurring dreams here recently. I was truly blown away by all the
rich symbolism and power in these dreams, and especially by
how open a lot of you were with your darkest fears. It really
moved me to discover how similar a lot of our most disturbing
dreams are. It makes them a little easier to interpret, and to bear.

I realized also, in reading the comments, how much addiction
turns up in our subconscious- even many years after habits
have been kicked. I can’t believe I forgot to mention one of my
most common recurring dreams: the smoking dream!
I quit smoking in January of 2006, the day after my birthday.
It was one of the most difficult things I’ve ever had to do,
and one of the best things I ever could’ve done for myself.
I started smoking when I was about 12 or 13- awful, I know!.
It was Sobranie Black Russians- I figured if I was going to ruin my health,
I had better do it in style with the very best- and they really are!
Anyhow, after many years of looking real cool and hacking up lung oysters,
I fell in love, and quickly realized that my smoking days were done.
You see, it’s hard to do something that limits your days on this earth
when you’ve found someone you want to spend the rest of your life with.
I knew it would be utterly hypocritical to feel that way and keep smoking,
so that was it. Cold turkey, no acupuncture or nicotine gum. Nada.
I was tearful and monstrous, and after a few months it wasn’t something
I thought about too much. But I do, at least when I’m asleep.
Three years later, I still have the most vivid dreams where I’m inhaling
deeply on a cigarette, sucking it almost down to the filter. Sometimes
I realize what I’m doing and freak out. Other times, I shrug- realizing that
I’m dreaming, and that dream cigarettes aren’t harmful- or are they?


(This photo, and the ones below by Ineke Kamps)

Oh, and whilst searching for images to accompany my recurring dreams,
I stumbled upon the amazing photography of Ineke Kamps (aka. moggierocket).
How I would love to discover this secret room, awake or dreaming!
Her photos reminded me of another dream I have all the time:

MY DUSTY FORMER HOMES:
I go and visit my old houses sometimes
and find the remnants of my old life
covered in a thick grey dust.
I wander around, touching things I left behind.
It makes it very clear that past is past,
and that I can never go back-
and that’s a good thing.

Despite the heavy tone of all this, I’m actually
dancing around to Tina Turner (Sexy Ida, yeah!)
and go do frivolous lady-things, hooray!

6 comments

I dream of dusty former homes often as well. My biggest recurring dream for years was that I would knock on the door of the house I lived in until I was 6, and be invited inside only to realize the backyard was now a swamp filled with zombies, or that the inside of the house was bigger than the outside.

The strangest dream I had about the Esplanade manse was that I moved back in with my (new) boyfriend, and we both discovered that the stairwell was haunted by a suicidal possession that made you want to throw yourself down it. But we wouldn’t tell each other about it.

I love house dreams. And your secret room dreams!

by Melissa on July 20, 2009 at 2:47 pm. #

I’ve been listening to Sexy Ida lately, too.

I have dreams about driving recklessly, or from the backseat, or the trunk, or outside of the car. Often I can’t stop the car, and I am terrified that the cops will find me and lock me up.

I also have one where I’m in my old elementary school, topless, trying to put something together out of dishrags, hoping the principal doesn’t find me and call my parents.

by Sophie on July 20, 2009 at 4:02 pm. #

this: a city on the edge of the water, old and strange. i board a train and the train tracks ride the surface of the water. the water comes in, and the train starts to submerge. i wake up.

so many, so many. i need to start writing them down.

& oh, i recall the colin post. so sweet and good. you are love love love.

by verhext on July 20, 2009 at 6:22 pm. #

I quit smoking in 2000. Cold turkey as well. But my impetus was pneumonia.
I still dream about smoking.
When I drink, sometimes I still crave one.
I will never smoke again.

by Bean on July 20, 2009 at 10:32 pm. #

Thank you for setting up the first recurring dreams post, and listening so sweetly to those of us who had such terrible nightmares to share. I just went back and read some of the other folks’ comments more carefully … and I must say that you are right; sharing our recurring dream terrors in this way does make them so much easier to bear. It also makes taking those first tentative steps towards parsing out what lies behind those nighttime fears a bit easier … bless you!

by Susanne Lynette on July 20, 2009 at 10:47 pm. #

Yes, I can definitely relate to the recurring smoking dream. I quit a little over a year ago (after many previous attempts). But this time it just feels right down to my bones. . . But there are still the dreams every now and then. For the most part I wake up from them grateful that it wasn’t “real.”

by Jeannine on July 23, 2009 at 10:44 am. #

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