by Angeliska on November 21, 2009
(Forest Queen by Lindsey Carr)
At last, I am rousing myself from my haze of hiding
in the tiny seed-pod cave. I have been handed a giant
mug of strong coffee (oh dear!) and am experimenting
with not taking painkillers with the aim of actually
accomplishing something for the first time in days.
If you could combine these two creatures, it would equal my current totem.
Puny and wee and not very fast. I am a baby possumsnail!
It’s hard to comprehend that nearly a week has passed.
I’ve been taking it so slow, being very cozy, and very
coddled and swaddled! My full focus has been on healing
my body and spirit, and I am happy to report that both
are fully on the mend – thanks to the handiwork of
my very talented and generous doctor and the good
wishes of all of you! I truly feel that the positive outcome
of this ordeal was brought about by all the hopeful
energy and bright light that has been sent my way.
I know that it helped me be so much less afraid,
and took a fiery broom to the fearful and cobwebby
eaves of my heart. Whoa. I know! It’s true, though.
The night after my surgery, I struggled to see the window
from my hospital bed. We turned out all the lights in hopes
of seeing flashes of falling stars from the Leonid meteor shower.
Did you catch them? It’s one of my favorite things to watch.
The outcome of the surgery was far better than
I had ever hoped: they were able to do a laprascopy,
and remove only the offending cyst/ovary and some
endometrial adhesions they found, but left everything
else in place! Hooray! My other ovary looks perfect,
also – which I am thrilled about. Apparently there are
photographs, which I haven’t gotten to see yet.
Very curious indeed to peer into my innerworkings
and glimpse me own guts! I am told that they are
very pretty. Thankfully, the recovery time has been
greatly reduced, and I hope to be back in action
very soon. I’ve been divinely supine, practicing
being very, very still and letting myself be taken
care of. My friends and family have been so kind,
bringing me food, tea, treats and flowers!
I have received so many sweet messages and
parcels that have lifted my spirits enormously.
I would like to say thank you, with every fibre
of my being, to everyone for your all help.
You have no idea what a huge difference it has made!
Everyday, I can feel my body slowly fixing itself,
stitches knitting my skin back together and
everything learning how to work properly again.
(Photograph from Margaret M. de Lange‘s book Daughters)
I feel like I’ve been out of my body for too long,
that there’s been a disconnect that’s had me out
of sorts for awhile. I feel ready to come back to it,
make friends and inhabit it more fully, more joyfully.
I can’t wait to feel ready to dance, to ride my bicycle,
to romp in piles of leaves and walk in the woods.
(p.s. As per usual lately, the provenance of these images
are mysterious to me. If they are yours, or you know who
made them, do enlighten me so I may give credit where it’s due!)